An's Occult Blog

Saturn

2nd of April, 2026

️I'm obsessed with Saturn.

Sigils and a change of romantic plans

31st of March, 2026

I probably shouldn't be talking about this on the Internet but blah blah blah, whatever, THIS IS NEOCITIES. Everyone who reads my page is automatically my friend 😇. So yeah, reader, hate to break it to you, but we ARE actually besties 🙄.

And yes, I'm writing this on the occult blog section, not the "silly" one, because it is very much tied to the occult.

I've known a cool guy for around half a year. He's nice, and I think we were on two dates. I don't actually know if they were dates. We were just hanging out, idk, but it had a romantic atmosphere, at least in my opinion lol. Also, he knows I have a site, so someday he might find this... oops... So just know, that this post MIGHT disappear in the future lol.

So I've had a crush on this guy for around 2 months now. He's very sweet. He's a good person, and an honest one. I apprieciate him.

And what I'm going to say next will seem stupid. Like. REALLY stupid. But 2 days ago I was watching a video on YouTube about chaos magic, and then I saw HIM... Austin. Osman. Spare. I'm not saying that I have a crush on a dead man. Although I was joking around with my friend that I was going to summon Spare's ghost, to which they replied, and I quote: "You're so insane. Keep being yourself."

But once I saw young Spare's photos in that video, I realised that the guy I was talking to wasn't the one for me. Don't get me wrong, I really like him! He's an awesome person. But we just aren't meant to be, and it became apparent to me. And... okay, yes, it might be because Austin Osman Spare WAS handsome as fuck. AND he was an artist, AND he was an occultist. And again, I do not have a crush on a dead man. He just made me realise, that nowadays there are still artists who are interested in the occult. I mean, take me for an example lol. And I need someone, who is like me. Someone, who will understand my mind as much as humanly possible, or maybe even more.

Also, the same day as I watched that video, The Lovers card was falling out of my deck all. the. time. when I was shuffling it. That has to be a sign. And so I followed that sign, and I decided to make a sigil, just like Spare would. I haven't made sigils in a long time. It was fun. I haven't charged it yet, though. But I believe it will help me find the kind of love that will be true for me. That will be right. That will fit me like a glove.

Also, the guy I was on two "dates" (?) with didn't seem to be like, head over heels for me ar anything hah. So I don't feel that bad. Thankfully, I don't think my decision will hurt him. I don't want to hurt him!! He's so cool! Just not in this way, and I'm glad that I finally understand that.

If you read this entire post, wow. I'm impressed lol. And grateful! It's nice when people want to listen to you. So I wish you a good day, or night, or whatever.

Oh, and one more important thing! This guy I know IS handsome as well, it's not only about looks!!! Just had to say it, like, he IS pretty. But looks aren't everything. I keep yapping about it, I know, this post is long. But I just neeeeeed to emphasize, that this guy I'm talking about IS cool and I DO like him. Maybe it's just hard letting go, even though it's my own decision, I want to, and besides, there's nothing much to let go of in the first place? Changes are weird, and sometimes scary!

See you next time! :)

Meditation

26th of March, 2026

I haven't meditated in ages! That is, if you don't count the mindfulness I practice once a week on therapy...

Many people say that meditation should be the foundation of any occult practice. And honestly, yeah, I think they're right. The thing is I'm a couch occultist! All I do lately is read (which is also very important, don't get me wrong).

Today I meditated. I don't even know if I was doing it right, but nothing can be perfect when you're just beginning I guess.

That's the dream

25th of March, 2026

Most universities (if not all of them) don't teach occultism. But imagine if they would... A long term dream of mine is to be educated in the topics enough to make my own little school. It would obviously be only a "course". Which, yeah, sounds great. Another "esoteric course". That does NOT sound legit, I know. But I would teach more theory than practice. I wouldn't tell you how to open your third eye or some other watered down and stolen from the East New Age bullshit. (Disclaimer: I'm critiquing the scammy courses not the concept of the third eye or anything)

Oh to give people the opportunity to actually study the occult in a systematic way... Ideally in person too. I'd love to have my own little Academy.

Empty essay pages

24th of March, 2026

Message for those who are following me on Neocities: if you see a page with a title of an essay but zero actual content underneath... just... just ignore it please lol 😭✌️.️

The Sun and Names

23rd of March, 2026

Second post today btw ✌️

Yesterday, when I was shuffling my tarot deck, The Sun card showed itself. Its colors really spoke to me. Today I was shuffling the deck again, and I saw the same card, this time in reverse. That would make sense, but I don't know why it wasn't reversed yesterday haha. Lately I'm apathetic and I have trouble starting any task. Maybe it's this site's bright colors that overstimulate me. But I LOVE maximalism and all things colorful!

I have doubts whether or not I should share details about my practice here. I heard lots of things like "Don't share your birth chart on the Internet, someone can curse you!". The same goes with names of anything. Names define things. Things defined are easier to make out, to grasp, to comprehend. They are easier also to sense, to track, to differentiate from all other things. Names give identity, at least to some extent. And most importantly (in this context at least), they can work as a placeholder for the thing they define.

I remember a lecture on logics from when I was still attending university. I miss it so much. But, well, I had to take a break.

Now that I think about it, this might be the topic of my first artcile/essay here.

Okay, that's enough of me blabbering about who knows what. See you next time!

Losing connection

23rd of March, 2026

Lately it's been hard for me to engage in any kind of occult practice. At least I cleanse my working space everyday? Maybe I should make more art... I feel like creativity is a bridge between the material and the spiritual, at least for me.

Maybe I should just pray. It sounds simple, but it really does work wonders.

Praying to Saint Teresa of Avila

22nd of March, 2026

I don't know much about her. I read a short biography of hers in my mother's book about saints. Did you know, that when she was a little kid, saint Teresa wanted to die a martyr? That's a peculiar childhood dream. She even tried running away from home to make that happen.

I relate to her in a way. She's the patron of writers. When I read about her life I feel like I know what it was like to be her. Maybe I have been her?

I don't even know, if I'm a christian. But that does not stop me from saying her name in my prayer in hopes that she will hear it and allow inspiration to flow through me.